A few observations, because I can't turn my editor-brain off: * the single quotes around "see" are a little off * no comma necessary after "victim" in 1st paragraph * add comma after "If they save" in 2nd paragraph * add comma after "will flee in fear" in 2nd paragraph * add comma after "If the victim fails" in 2nd paragraph * add comma after "If they save" and "but if they fail" in 2nd paragraph * add comma after "fails his ST" in last paragraph * remove comma after "people won't" in last sentence (or retain it and add another after "or can't", but that would look a little weird)
Looking forward to reading the finished product!
ReplyDeleteA few observations, because I can't turn my editor-brain off:
* the single quotes around "see" are a little off
* no comma necessary after "victim" in 1st paragraph
* add comma after "If they save" in 2nd paragraph
* add comma after "will flee in fear" in 2nd paragraph
* add comma after "If the victim fails" in 2nd paragraph
* add comma after "If they save" and "but if they fail" in 2nd paragraph
* add comma after "fails his ST" in last paragraph
* remove comma after "people won't" in last sentence (or retain it and add another after "or can't", but that would look a little weird)
Oops. Not sure if we have the time or money for editing now. My fault.
DeleteHey, Ynas I know you offered proofreading help a while back is that something you still have time for?
DeleteSure. Hit me up at ynasmidgardnaule (gmail).
DeleteCheers! Email sent.
DeleteI'm glad things are moving forward!
ReplyDeleteIt's getting there.
Delete